In this episode Isaura welcomes a very special homie of the week Alessandra Chavira to explore the life of a Capricorn and dive into motherhood as a young adult, along with all of its wonders.
**HEADS UP! THIS EPISODE CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE**
This is a YEBO pod production.
So welcome. Unapologetically Isaura I’m Isaura, unapologetically Isaura is my honest, real, and raw take on the world. I want you, the listener, to feel as if you’re listening to what comadre bestie or someone you really trust. Um, this podcast is for the girls, gays, and days. And I mean, I guess the men of quality conjoined to yeller. OK, just again, don’t speak too loudly this just chill out, listen up, right. I’m your host. He showed up. Somebody that is beautiful chaos. And I mean, we’re just here to kick it home girl, grab a tea, grab some whatever you’re drinking and listen to some dope *** conversations. So the homie of the week that I have with me today, I am so excited for. Alessandro Chavita in the building. So I just, Sandra, tell me a little bit about yourself. Like, who are you? That’s always such a big question. Yeah, I was just saying this is the hardest question because like. Like, I’m different for everybody, you know, everybody brings out different sides than me, but my name is Alessandra Chavita, she they pronouns OK here that you’re the 1st guest that’s done that. Yeah, she’s going around. I’m I’m Mama. Like I’m a Mama. That’s my pride and joy. Like that’s the title I’m always love. I’m a Mama now. Chicana born and raised in Denver, but I’m always represent where my parents come from, Juanitos Like I like to say where I’m from and where my parents come from, cuz I’m not. They wouldn’t be who they are if they didn’t grow up where they grew up, right. I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t grow up where I grew up. You know, That is amazing. I hate asking this
question when it’s like who you are. But what do you do in the world? Other than being a beautiful Mama, other than that, what do you do in the world? I mean, I do a lot, I think. Like, I’m. I’m just like a witness to the world right now. Like, I I. Like I’ve always been like a nature enthusiast. Yeah, so. And I’ve always been like a sister. I’ve always been like an older figure. So I think that influences a lot of what I do in the world because I’m very nurturing. It’s giving matriarch is giving matriarch. And it’s, I’m also very strict, you know. Yeah, I’m also very harsh, you know, and that’s the older sibling type of thing. And but I’m an advocate, you know, and that’s also because I’m an older sibling, you know. Yeah. So it’s funny that you say that, actually, because I think that. Literally transitions us into our very first segment called the Moon and the stars, right. So the moon and the stars is a segment where I kind of give you perspective of who you’re hearing from, right? I will repeat this again. This is not an astrology podcast. I just really love astrology. So that’s a part of it, right? over. I’ve always get my guests on to time passages, which is an app and again, time passages, please sponsor us. So they will get on there and they will send me their sun, moon and rising, and we will go ahead and go through Alessandra, Sun, Moon and rising, I say. It’s funny that you say that. Because humans, Alessandra, are not only a son, you are also a moon. Capricorn. Yeah, which capricorns have this like stigma for being really cold and being really retrieved, which. Not that you are, but like you are very warm, but you are also very, you know what I mean? It just takes a lot for somebody to get into your inner circle. Does that make sense? So I just, I like, it’s funny that you say that you’re strict and that you’re of that sort, it’s just because. It’s,
it’s because you put yourself on under such immense pressure to perform. So you expect that same performance from everybody around you. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. because oftentimes when I have like a double sign like this. Like the like, say, it’s practically the same thing again, right? But yours was very different in your moon aspect and in your son aspect. So you have, you’re ambitious, you’re practical. Um, and you have an excellent sense of social responsibility. So I just, when I read that, I think it perfectly described who I knew you as a person. Because I mean, ever since I met you, activist activism was your thing, right? Like you were a great advocate and I’m not going to put you in the activism bubble because I think that’s. It’s harsh. Does that make sense? Like, I don’t know. Like for myself personally, I don’t know if I would consider myself an advocate. Not because I don’t believe in it, but just because as women in the movement. Activism tends to forget our various sides of ourselves, and we’re pushed into this, like, very. Um, strict box. And we’re box did very, like, immensely, you know what I mean? Like, like life experience. You know, like life is advocacy. Yeah. You know, especially if you’re born into oppression. Yeah. Yeah. The whole life, whether that’s speaking into a public crowd or whether that’s you having a conversation with your dad telling him that ***** not cool. Yeah, because so. You’re an advocate. Every day, like it’s talking right now is advocacy. You know, I totally agree. Like, I definitely agree. And that’s exactly you actually worded it a lot better than I did because that’s why I hate the word activism, because it’s not a job wipe. It’s not a hobby, right? White people often take it as a job. They often take it as a hobby. Like you said, it’s something that they do on their pastime or on their free time. That’s their whole personality. Yeah. I and I’m like for a moment there, I
let it be my whole personality. And now and it and it gets you into this really slippery slope of respectability. Politics. Hmm. Of like, am I respectable enough to be an advocate? Yeah. And that takes a lot of unlearning because I feel like adults who like were like nourishing. Like our youth advocacy. Also like made it respectability politics where it’s like you’re young, you’re this, you’re that, you’re that. So make sure you’re respected. I’ve been in like I’ve joined organizing groups. I’m not gonna name it, but like I’ve joined groups where like. I thought we were going to do some **** for the community and they they told us like don’t worry crap tubs, don’t post this, don’t do that. And it’s like, well then we’re not youth. We’re like assimilating and trying to be adults right now, right? And like second of all, that’s like. Internalized. Like that’s some internalized misogyny right there. So yeah, misogyny impression. Yeah, I definitely agree with you. And it’s it’s it’s crazy to me because you’ve also always showed up authentically wherever you’ve gone. When I feel like the face of authenticity, authenticity, it’s you in the sense of you show up as who you are, right. And that’s always for me, that’s always like the big hoops. That’s always like, you know, the Chicana, esque vibes. And I’m just like every time I see you, everywhere you go. Smell like, even in Capitol Hill, like, but it’s hiding. Yeah, it’s not easy, you know, there is like that internalized. Like, damn, I’m not gonna get respected or yeah, they’re gonna look at me like this, you know? But it’s like, you just gotta tell yourself, **** it, I feel like that cuz I’ve been on my authenticity journey a lot. Like, like one of my biggest things is authenticity. But I realized that authenticity comes at a cost because everybody’s like, we love your energy, we love what you bring to the table. But then when it comes to certain things, they’re like, you know what I mean? They’re
like, I don’t buy with that or like they don’t say it this way, say it softer and right. And it’s like that’s not me. That’s not authenticity, right. Yeah. So that’s, I mean that’s a little bit of her son, the son in the 8th house. It represents your vital force to transform, regenerate and relate to. Others intimately so it’s good that you said that you’re like your sister. Your I mean you just. I talked about my relations, yeah, because that’s how you relationship yourself to the world, is in your intimate partnerships with people or your intimate relationships, right? Which is crazy, because it also means that your understanding of inner self can easily perceive people’s intentions of those around you. So you’re Capricorn talked both your moon and your son talked a lot about knowing your own emotions and being able to know how another person. Stands with you or what another person’s intentions are with you? Yeah, I think the only thing I struggle with is like. Um, knowing my emotions. Or I actually do know my emotions, I just don’t know how to like, really like, keep them. In a you know, like keep them together. I see. OK. As soon as I feel something I’m gonna let it be known, you know. And it it’s like a blessing and a curse. Do I your face just automatically I have. I suffer from are there like are you are you good. No, I’m not good right now. Which is crazy to me because I think that’s a very Capricorn. They’re very cold, but once they’re like something, they peep something cause like, you don’t. One of the things that your Gemini Rising said is that you don’t let things slide. Like you see everything. You see all the moving pieces. So when you don’t **** with something, you’re just like, Oh yeah, it’s. So I’m trying to unlearn this though. I’m really trying. It’s gonna take a lot of work, a lot of discipline.
But I do think that, like, I’m quick to cut people off, you know? And sometimes I don’t. And, like, explain or think about how people they’re cut off. Yeah, I’m just like done talking. Yeah, you know, yeah, I yeah, I’ve seen that. You know what I mean? And again, like people that have Capricorn. Placements, or are capricorns, right? They tend to have that about them. Is that once you cross their boundaries, once you cross. Like, Maria talked about this in her episode of Like, I just leave. Like, I’m not gonna tell you anything. I’m just, I’m just done, you know what I mean? And that’s you protecting your energy, And you have a power complex in the sense that your power is of essence. It’s not something that you have to overly exude, it’s just something that you hold. And yes, terrific self-control, one of the biggest things. And it’s crazy because as we move on to your right Gemini rising, you can be easily bored. But under self-control and discipline you have tremendous intellectual and artistic abilities. So there’s that balance there of. Yeah, you could be like man. But then also like you have that callback of like, no, I have to get this, this and this done because that’s that’s just my bottom line. Hmm. Uh, you are. And it’s funny because I feel like even if you were Aquarius in Aquarius rising or a Gemini, because this is where we kind of got lost of, like, which one is which, right, are you an Aquarius? Because she thought she was an Aquarius rising her whole life? Yeah, I truly thought I was an Aquarius rising. And then I did this app thing and I was like, damn, I’m a Gemini rising. I mean, they’re both air signs, so they’re in the same family, right? Which gives you that lighter, airy. Feel to you right? And again you’re rising is how people perceive you and how you show up in the world. Your moon is how like your inner emotions and your son is your core of self, right? But you’re
rising is it gives you a lot more airy feel to you. You’re very intellectual, Yeah. And like I also wanted a name like. I think capricorns are seen as like, very yeah, serious and like hustle, hustle, hustle. But it’s also like hustle. In a way. That’s. That’s like, not capitalistic, you know? Right. Like the way I see, like, air signs is like they’re always in their head, you know? Like, like I know a couple air signs and I’m like they overthink a lot. Or like they’re always dreaming of this or like imagining that I’m literally an air science. Like I live in my head, that’s and it also says here that you’re an overthinker as well like you you overthink a lot and that’s again that has to do with your like air signing in your chart that kind of just. I feel like it lifts a little bit of everything else that you have going on, you know? Yeah, because it’s 22 earth signs and then an air sign to like. It kind of gives you that like stuff around, yeah, like some some airiness to you, right. So I mean that’s what you’re listening to that’s that’s Alessandra for you, that’s her whole like earthy and a little bit of airiness to you, right. And I mean Speaking of yourself, it kind of brings us into our very. For other segment called Real Talk, right. So real talk is where I sit down with my guests and we just talk about some real issues. We talk about some real world issues or real topic that I would really love to talk about. And for today, I really wanted to talk about motherhood as Alice. I’m going to mention in the beginning of this pod, she is a young mother. She just had a baby, had a baby. I’m a Mother Mother. So yeah. I just kind of wanted to chop it up because, I mean, we haven’t talked in a minute, but I also wanted to chop it up about like, I don’t know, I think it’s magnificent. And I mentioned this in the beginning
of, for me, somebody tells me they’re pregnant. I’m like, OK, we go, are you good? Yeah, I’m like, what? I talk about your options.
And I, for me, motherhood is just like not something I see in my future, particularly just because I wanna be the auntie, you know what I mean? I wanna be like yeah, but I just think it’s beautiful. Cuz I will stand by this when you announce your pregnancy. It was like Rihanna announcing her pregnancy for her community. Like, I was like young. Basically. I was just like, hello, this is magnificent. Like, who could top this pregnancy?
So yeah, I just wanted to chop up through. I guess my first question is, what did you feel when you first found out that you were pregnant?
Long story is like, like one I’ve always respected young mothers. Yeah, because my mom was a young mother and my sisters were young mothers. Like, you know, I’ve seen, I’ve seen and grew up with teen moms. You know, like we grew up together. So it always didn’t settle right with me when I would hear people talk down on any one of our peers because they got pregnant or something. Because it’s like my mom went through that. You know, like, yeah, it’s not cool for you to, like, cheese me out about that because, like, our moms did that. Like, why are you being a hypocrite, you know? Yeah, I agree. But. It’s a long story about when I found out I got pregnant because I kind of tried to get pregnant. OK, but. It’s cause like my long term goal right now I’m a mother, but my long term goal goal. Like, ever since I met my great grandma has been to be a great grandma, you know? OK. Like there’s so much respect. That I hold. For that title, yeah. Yeah. I was like, I would tell myself, I want to be a great grandma. And, like, I don’t know, growing up in America, like, you don’t know if like, I eat McDonald’s. Like, I eat fast food. So I don’t know how long I’m gonna live. Like, what if I can’t make it to be a good grandma, you know? So then, like. Like, I know I had to start early, but I didn’t think I would do it. You know, like, it takes a lot of balls to start early, right, in order to, like, be able to see your great grandchildren, you know? So was it like, I’m just off my birth control and whatever happens, happens? I was never on birth control. OK. I like spiritual reasons. Like that’s why I didn’t want to mess with that. Yeah, but. Umm. And I was always like, because my partner wanted to. And I was always like, Nah. But then I was like, you know what? **** it.
Model model of the day. That’s that. **** it, you know, you know, there was also, like, just like curiosity because I was like, what if I’m not fertile, you know? So I was like, let’s **** around and find out, you know, the more you **** around, the more you find out.
Yo, that’s crazy that you were. It’s funny because my mom talks about it when. She got pregnant with me. She felt great in the partnership that she had with my dad and she, she says that I was an intentional baby, which got me doubted it, but like, I’m not. I mean, like, really. But I believe it because she was happy in that sense. So it’s like, it’s precious. It was like, I don’t think it was an accident. It was like it happened, you know what I mean? It was life. Yeah, OK, well, I didn’t think. I said **** it, you know? But then like a week or a week or two later, like I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative and then I took another one the next week and it came back negative. So then I was looking a little sad. Like, I’m not gonna lie. I was like, damn, maybe I’m not fertile. I was lucky side. And I was like, alright, we’re not gonna try for a while. I was just like heartbroken, you know? Yeah, but then I got COVID. I got COVID and like, I quarantined for two weeks. And yeah, everybody in my family had COVID. So I was quarantining with my mom. I went to her house and I started quarantining with her. And then I was telling her I was like like, my body feels sore. Like my ***** feel sore. And then she was like, ohh. Like, that’s a new symptom of COVID. Like, I’ve been reading and I was like, yeah. But then in the back of my head, I was like, you know how they say you get tender breasts? Yeah, yeah. Like they started feeling tender. But like, my whole body was feeling sore too because of COVID. So my mom was like, Nah, like, cuz I was like, what if I’m pregnant and she’s like, no, it’s a new symptom of COVID. But like, I was already like, you’re like, I’m pregnant, you’re like, mom, this piercing fell out. I’m pregnant. I’m telling you. Like, the piercings were falling out. So I was taking that as a sign. Taking the tender breasts
as a sign. But then I was like, no, like the pregnancy test came back negative. And I don’t really want to talk to my mom about it because, like, I’m sad about it, you know? Yeah. And I was like. Like, I was just confused. Everything was just up in the air, you know? Yeah. But then, like, once the counting finished, that’s when I started feeling sick. Sick. Like, like morning sickness. Like, yeah. And when they say morning sickness, I didn’t know this, so I’m gonna say it. I thought morning sickness meant you’re only sick in the morning. You throw up, and then you’re good for the rest of the day. No, morning sickness means, like, you’re sick for the first time yesterday. So like, morning sickness is like the morning is the first trimester. So, like, you’re sick the whole day. You’re not sick. Just in the morning. Yeah. I had to find out. The hazy. It sucks. So yeah, I was feeling sick as ****. Like nauseous as **** and sore as ****. Did you have those? You couldn’t smell certain things you couldn’t hold? Well, I didn’t. I didn’t start, like, catching the scents until after I found out I was pregnant. But like for like the first month that I found out I was pregnant, the scent of my man. Like, I don’t know why it ******* disgusted me. Like, I would be like, you were like, you did this to me, bro. I don’t know why. Like, I was like mom. Like, did you hate my dad when when you smelled him because he like suddenly it was like in the drop of a pin needle or whatever they say so quickly. His Saints started to disgust me and I would feel so bad cause like I couldn’t hug him. I couldn’t. Like you were just like get away from me. Yeah, I felt so bad, but I was like repulsed. And also, I mean, obviously you didn’t announce it until you were like past your third trimester or your first trimester, right. But I saw you very happy pregnant. Obviously that was probably really hard. But yeah, I feel like you really enjoyed your belly and like how you looked. It’s because the first time I say hardest fight. Yeah, sick as
****. And also like no announcing it cuz you gotta protect its energy, you know, that’s like the highest risk of it, like miscarrying, you know? Yeah. So I was just like let me preserve. This energy and like, try to get myself together too, because I was sick as you were dying out. There we go. Like, pregnancy is hella hard. Yeah, hella hard. That’s why I’m like. Like people think just because I kept my baby like that means like I’m pro-life and I’m like no, I’m pro abortion. And like, especially now that I went through it like that. **** has to be a choice cuz right to go through that like it. It hardly changes your body and it hella like makes you like go through it like physically, you know, every, every pregnancy is different. But for me it was hard as ****. But I chose to go through that. Exactly, yeah. And people should choose if they want to go through that or not. or even financially like, I was blessed enough to work from home. Yeah, you know, but like if I had to work in person during my pregnancy, like, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I wouldn’t be able to work type ****. Yeah. So. I know that she’s like, not just physically draining, but like financially draining, too. Yeah, I bet, because the whole, Oh my God, it’s a whole child. One of the things I did want to talk to you about. So my mom, I did this piece on my mom a while back where she taught I had to tell my story through somebody else’s words, right? So I chose my mom and she talked about the day I was born. One of the biggest things I talked about. First of all, she’s had her because she was like the baby called the Doctor called me cute, and she looked at me and she was like, you were ugly and I was like, girl, stop hating. But one of the other things I talked about is this feeling of like bittersweet bittersweetness of like. A couple of things, right. First thing is that she, she loved me and she didn’t want anything bad to happen to me. But she now realized that she was in charge of a whole another human being.
And my mom had me when she was 18, right? So there was that. And then also a part of her just knew that she was never going to go back to the old person that she was. And I’ve heard this thing with mothers and especially young mothers of grieving. Yeah. Who they were. Right. Did you have any of those feelings? For sure? But I think. I think like for me the grieving was, it was a lot of grieving about like. First of all, like my ability to do work in the community, you know, because I had to just accept I I felt sick the whole pregnancy, you know, I had preeclampsia too. So like, that just gave me preeclampsia. Preeclampsia is like when your blood pressure OK and they didn’t tell me this. I would ask the nurses. This is one of the difficulties of being a young mother. Is that like they don’t take your symptoms serious or I don’t know if it’s because I was a young mother or a Latina or what, but they didn’t take my symptoms seriously. My blood test would show because I would go on Google after I would get my results and I would see like ohh like this means like you have high blood pressure. This high blood pressure could be preeclampsia. So I would ask at the appointments, like hey, like is there a possibility possibility of me having pregnancy? They’re like, no, you’re young, you’re healthy, you’re good, you’ll be good. And then like the day of my delivery, they’re like, you have preeclampsia. I was like these *******. All job told them and like it. It made me mad because I wanted to be in the tub. I wanted to be in the water. Like I had like an idea of how you wanted to give birth. Yeah, me being the Capricorn. Like, I had a plan. Yeah, yeah. And everything. Just had to shift like the day of my delivery. And so, like, I was a little upset about that, but. Yeah, like my whole pregnancy was very hard. Yeah, so. I had to like accept cause I tried staying in community and doing **** but like it was really taking a toll on me and. And nothing works unless you do. Mm-hmm.
So. And being in the healing justice cohort was teaching me you need to give your body the rest. You need it. And rest is not just like physical rest, but like spiritual rest, like emotional rest. And so I just had to accept that I needed to rest in that. In that pregnancy because it wasn’t gonna be forever. Yeah. But I had to grieve, like my ability to do community work, because that’s everything that you, not everything you are. But like, that’s so important. Yeah, you know? And it’s so hard to just sit back know. You know, like I was grieving. That aspect of myself I was grieving, like, you know, your body goes through a lot of changes. Yeah. And I was already preparing myself. Like, you know, I’m not scared to get stretch marks. I’m not scared to get bigger. I’m not scared to get smellier. Yeah. But I think also one thing I wanna say is. I feel like pregnant people’s feelings get invalidated, too, because they’re like all your hormones are all over the place. Like, it’s normal. Yeah, you’re crying because you’re pregnant and it’s like, yes, but it’s not. Yes, like more. My hormones are all over the place. But also, like, I feel like the spiritual aspect. I was about to say it’s a spiritual journey, right? Hello spiritual. Have a human growing inside of you. So like, you fill everything. Like heavier, you know, your heart. My heart literally expanded. Like I felt not literally, but metaphorically. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. You feel like that. You have more capabilities right around your love. I really want to thank you for being here and allowing your presence and your words. We do have one more segment for today. Um, which is something that I always end on. I like this segment.
Which is affirmation of the day. Affirmation of the day is just. Of way for me and my guests to reaffirm ourselves, to give a perspective of what we need to hear. Ohh **** I’m telling you, **** **. This makes so much of what we need to hear in our souls. And I’m a words of affirmation person, so it gives me an opportunity to give you an insight on what my soul needs right now. So if this message applies to you, keep it. If you hear something that you need to hear from it, keep it. If not, keep it pushing, that’s OK. So I can go first. My affirmation for today.
My efforts will one day be fruitful. Um, I always repeated because I like saying I’ll say it back for the people in the. I’ll say for the people in the back one more time. My efforts will one day be fruitful. I say this because. I’ve gone through, I’ve, I I’m working myself on overtime like. It’s crazy. And even as I’ve realized that unapologetically Saudi isn’t something I’m doing for my job anymore, it’s for me. And I will see the fruits of my labor one day and something will happen. And you don’t know how hard it is to actually believe that in your soul. Because there’s days that I wake up and I’m like, am I doing this **** for nothing? And I just doing this, and I’m just wasting my time and energy in this, and then I have to check myself back into this. You have to believe it at your core that this is going to be fruitful and this is gonna bring something to you. So yeah, even if it doesn’t bring anything physical to you, like the learning like that is so important that something I’m always tell people is like make that art, even if it doesn’t get looked at, even if it doesn’t get sold. Put that project go, even if it doesn’t get listened to. Because who gives a ****? Like, just keep releasing, like, yeah, you’re here. Like, make your, like, Mark, you know? Yeah. And that’s what I told my mom. I was like, this is no longer for anybody else but me. It’s to show that I can do this **** that my. Dope like in the sense that I can get it done because I’ve talked about it and I said it was going to happen and it’s happening. So what’s yours? My affirmation. For myself, but also for others who might need to hear this is I love myself enough to eat. I love myself enough to nourish myself. I need to love myself and. I love myself enough to see myself grow, so get that food and drink that water. For real, I’m serious. Do it now. will. I will always be very grateful for you coming back in and giving me another try This has been unapologetically soda. Thank you so much for writing with me this far and listening to this episode. Thank you. For real. No thank you, bro.
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